Browse Professor Quotes
When it comes to mutation of species, you're never going to get a teenage mutant ninja turtle. That's just not going to happen.
—~Prof. Ober, Topics in Bio: Evolution
Who can say no to sex?
—Prof. Fraser, Green Waugh and Spark
And I know what you're all wondering: what about masturbation?
—~Prof. Ober, Topics in Biology: Evolution, discussing the unit on sexual evolution
I'm not likely to be mistaken for a middle-school girl
—Fr Miracky, English: Modern Drama
There's killer sperm!
—Prof. Ober, Topics in Biology: Evolution
Well, this is a particularly green crowd
—Neel Smith: Archaeology and Time on St. Patrick's Day
If you've ever seen a perfect goat, you know how pleasing that can be
—Prof. Ebbott, on offerings, Intermediate Greek
Although Agamemnon could be a player-hater
—Prof. Mary Ebbott, on the Iliad, Intermediate Greek
Irish foreplay is essentialy 'Brace yourself Bridget'.
—Fr.Miracky, Shakespeare
We have shows talking about Desperate Housewives while there are desperate poor people all around us.
—Prof. Fairfax, Sociology 217, Criminology
So you have a future in film if you read Descartes
—Prof. Karsten Steuber, Logic & Language
We the Athenian state gratefully acknowledge the gift of Fat Cat the Greek.
—Prof. Blaise Nagy on honorary epigraphical inscriptions, History of Classical Greece
You ses folks, our common bond here is ignorance.
—Fr. John Reboli, S.J.
Art History-Survey, Renaissance to Modern
Are you saying that the Declaration calls bling-bling light and transient? ::laughter:: I think in political science we call it 'material goods', but it doesn't rap as well.
—Daniel Klinghard, POLS 100
The real purpose of that story was to tell you that Big Bird was a nudist.
—Professor Chu, Economics/Accounting
He was a Mother-Fucker.
—<br><i>An English professor commenting on the actions of Oedipus</i>
I collect toasters
Prof. Eric Culver, Holy Cross Chamber Orchestra
Prof. Eric Culver, Holy Cross Chamber Orchestra
—Prof. Eric Culver, Holy Cross Chamber Orchestra
Oh look there's his little winkie!
—Prof Diamond, The Sociological Perspective, explaining how people delineate between sex and gender.
Philadelphia: it’s the kind of city you love because everyone else hates it!
—Prof. Luria, during Civil War and Reconstruction Lit. 9/6/04
Just as much is expected from you, you have a right to expect a lot in return. If you are having problems, or are not learning what you hoped to learn, speak to me. I will listen: it's my job, and I like doing it. I will not hurt you. I am a bald, middle-agged philosopher, and am not dangerous.
—<i>Prof. Cahoon's syllabus for Foundation of Ethic</i>
Since it's Friday and the it's start of the weekend we'll talk about Gonorrhea. I like to talk about a different venereal disease with my class every Friday
—Professor Vargas of the Bio Dept in her Topics in Biology slass
I mean, I guess you could say he's better than acid and pot combined. Professor Dillon
—Eastern European History class, discussing writer Ernest Gellner
Someone took Philosophy 101 and turned it into a movie, they called it 'The Matrix'
—Professor Stueber, Philosophy of Science
A banana is better than nothing, nothing is better than God, so, a banana is better than God?
—Professor Lawrence
You guys need sex lessons or something
—Prof. Eric Culver, in orchestra rehearsal for Kiss Me Katr
I'm not much of a crotch-watcher. It's not like I go around town going 'Hey, nice package.'
—Professor Nancy Burns responds during a lecture on feminism in art history
Haven't you ever been drunk and decided to go on a mission?!?
—Professor Ayres, Art History, while discussing Rembrandt's "Night Watch"
And the Jesuit said to him, There's a spider crawling up that first step.
—Father Lapomarda, Interupting his lecture to comment on the spider.
By the way, I bet it did help them to commune with the Almighty.
—Professor Dubnoff, American Gov't, descring a "religion" whose members used LSD to help communicate with God
Feel is something you do when you get to second base.
—Professor Reno, on why the word feel should not be used in an academic context
Jesus Christ! Let's get going!
—Prof West after rambling on and on about nothing to himself.
You can have sex in a tree and drink as much beer as you want, but, God forbid, don't walk on the grass.
—Prof. Schmalzbauer, Commenting on the landscaping habits and regulations of the college.
You guys need to learn to control your climaxes.
—Professor Miller, College Choir, on doing a better dynamic contrast while singing Beethovan
I wouldn't want to go into the Meditteranean in a bikini in January, but it's pretty warm.
—Prof. Powers, Medieval Spain, commenting on the Mediterrean climate
Beer is the basis of all civilization.
—Professor Chapman, Topics in Biology:Evolution, describing early settlements in America and elsewhere and how they came to be
come on, this is a jesuit school! you know for every three kids who raise their hands, there's at least six more hiding.
—Prof Ward Thomas on asking the class who has taken Latin
It seems to me one of our biggest problems is over population, we should encourage people to smoke
—<br><i>A biology professor in relation to using smoke in a weather experiment</i>
That's excellent! Well it's not really excellent, but it's great! Ok, it's not great what I mean is what he said is great. Oh never mind you get the idea.
—Prof Wagner, Shakespeare, commenting on a students elaboration of medieval torture
You've got like Fenway Park seating in those seats.
—History Professor about the large pole in the Smith Hall 3rd floor rooms
If you don't use a straight edge that means you really don't give a shit about this homework, and I won't give a shit about you and I'll give you a minus on it
—<br><i>A biology professor in relation to drawing straight lines on the weather graphs</i>
...there is probably better resolution but the military does not give it to civilians because they probably need it to shoot missles at people.
—<br><i>A professor explaining the ins and outs of resolution on digital maps</i>
John Quincy Adams attended Harvard, a college none of you could get in to.
—<br><i>History Professor in a lecture on 19th century diplomacy</i>
Money can't by everything... ooh wait, yes it can.
—<br><i>Economics professor relating money to happiness</i>
Death is like a fart, it's there, but no one wants to acknowledge it.
—A CRAW professor in reference to the story, "The Death of Ivan Ilych"
I don't think this cloning thing will catch on. After all, what's the fun of procreation without the fun of sex?
—<br><i>A biology professor to his Introduction to Biology I students</i>
Kenny G is the anti-christ.
—<br><i>A music professor on the state of current Jazz music</i>
I can tell you what it's like to die, because I have.
—<br><i>Professor Ireland talking about his heart attack and flatline experience.</i>
What's that place that you guys eat at? Oh, well, I'll be at Kimball tonight, so if you have any problems with me or your tests, you can come and throw food at me.
—<br><i>A macroeconomics professor after handing back and reviewing our first midterm</i>
If you demand a final, I'll give it to you. I made one up even. But I don't really see a need for one...Ok so you guys voted no final.
—Prof. McBride, Environmental History, explaining no need for a final exam
I used to drink one beer before my exams in college. I mean, you gotta do what you gotta do.
—Professor Chapman- Perspectives in bio, discussing some ways his class could prepare for an upcoming midterm
She doesn't have to look nice. Someone will copulate with her even if she's ugly.
—Prof. Berman, Gen Bio 2, explaining why male birds have bright colors
Sperm are cheap. They can be wasted.
—Prof. Berman, Gen Bio 2, explaining mating patterns
Life sucks.
—Prof. Cracco telling the 6:30 intro psych class that there would be a quiz on Monday during the Wyclef Jean concert
We'll end the course with an orgy...
—Prof. Andrews, commenting on the last discussion topic for Intro to Classical Mythology
We must be performing an experiment that is attempting to reach absolute zero!
—Prof. Mills, IER, commenting on how cold it was in the classroom this morning
Asking a scientist about morality is like asking Jennifer Lopez who should be the next President.
—Professor Garvey, in his talk "Science and Religion: Lover's or Stranger's?"
Not now, libido. Not now. Not here.
—Prof. Lembcke, Social Theory, on Freud's theory of repression
The ancient Egyptians used to worship dogs as if they were Gods. We think this is because they were dyslexic...
—Professor Dave Schaefer, POLS-101, Intro to Political Philosophy
I bet you all are asking yourselves, 'What type of mental masturbation is this guy giving us?'
—Professor Perkins, Principles of Microeconomics, joking about a difficult concept
Am I screwing up your heads enough? That's my objective
—Professor Thompson, Aging and Society
...and this is going on when we are living, which we do most days.
—Prof. Mills, IER, explainging a chemical process involving metabloism
Good Lord! I can't untie my shoe. I'll scream like a woman and run out of the room. It wouldn't be the first time.
—Prof. Mulrooney-desperately trying to untie his shoe in his "Western in Fiction and Film class"
I was with my Jamaican friends over the weekend, listening to hip hop music, so if you claim to have been high and therefore unable to complete this paper, I understand.
—Father Clark
Even if the child is some sort of genetic mutant, you compliment the child.
—Professor Schmalz in Hinduism describing the US attitude towards infants.
Sheila what is fellacio? C'mon you guys know what it is! It's a blowjob!
—Professor Yuhl discussing how certain sex acts are illegal.
Knowing the correct answer is of no value, knowing how to come up with the correct answer is priceless
—Professor Jarrett imitating the ever popular commercials for answers to organic spectra
When someone goes out this weekend to buy a joint, it's not going to help the GDP (Gross Domestic Product).
—Prof Lemcke, Social Theory, explaining informal and illegal economies
All problems are sex-linked.
—Professor Garvey, Physics in Daily Life, responding to a student who commented that color blindness is a sex-linked problem.
It's not really important to know what's happening each and every day unless you are playing Vatican Roulette.
—Prof. Berman, Gen Bio 2, explaining the menstrual cycle.
It's not like I'm in a closet fertilizing myself.
—Professor Trussell, In Marine Bio telling us about how hermaphrodites do their thing.
He was banging his client on the side. I mean, that's black market stuff right there!
—Prof. Daitsman, Seminar on Cuba, discussing whether a movie character was a revolutionary.
One day you're going to wish you could pick up those pucks again.
—Women's Ice Hockey Coach, Peter VanBuskirk
If I keel over, revive me.
—An ailing Prof. Powers, after coughing for about 30 seconds straight.
This won't be the first or last time you'll hear me say this
—CMIS 342.It was the first time she said this :).
Just because you got the wrong answer doesn't mean you are wrong.
—Prof. Mills, IER, explaining that there will be extra credit on the test.
I want you all to come to class loaded on Friday.
—Professor Lamoreaux, Intermediate French 1
I kill you!
—A common phrase of Chinese TA Zhang Laoshi
In the 60's everyone was told that weed was great. It's an herb. It's natural. Yeah, so is syphilis.
—Professor Axelson, Physiological Psychology, explaining the effects of marijuana on the body.
Why God? Why?
—Sara, Italian 2 Practicum, as she bangs her head against the wall in response to the stupidity of her class.
I hear my comment about tiger penis soup made the Jolt. So, I've decided to put a question about it on the midterm.
—Prof. McBride, Envi Hist, commenting about her comments making the Jolt
He does get carried away and that's what makes Freud so annoying.
—Prof. Freeman in response to Freud's intrepretation of dreams, History & Systems
Socrates, he wrote great stuff. Aristotle, Machiavelli, all these writers wrote amazing works of philosophy that we could never write in a hundred years. Marx, he was just a pissed off grad student. ANY of you could write the Communist Manifesto.
—Professor David Shaeffer, Political Philisophy
Well I want to read you guys a letter from someone to...someone else. Uh, I guess that's the way letters generally work.
—Professor Cooke, History of Western Music 2
Who wants to bone?
—Prof. Schap. Not really sure what the context was, but it got my attention.
I, like you, was educated in a Catholic school system. Let me introduce you to your rear end. It moves.
—~Professor McCusker, demonstrating hip movement to his Modern 2,3,4 class
I read Rolling Stone, because as I near 40 I want to stay hip... it's only had diminishing effects so far, though.
—Professor West, African American History II, on his efforts to stay young
You would have to lay pipe all over Worcester.
—Professor George Perkins, Econ 114, discussing the difference between a competitive market and a monopoly (using the City of Worcester's Water Company as an example)
You can just walk into a restaurant in Hong Kong and get a delicious tiger penis soup. Not that I know from personal experience.
—Prof. McBride, Environmental History, explainging bounty hunting.
When in doubt, say Hamlet or sex.
—Professor Mulrooney, on how to pass CRAW
I know that I've made it when I stop buying spam.
—Prof. O'Connell...Micro Econ
Did you know that 40 years ago doctors told women to lose weight when they are pregnant. The lady next door...she tried this and her kids have all sorts of problems. I http://mean...Come on man gimme a break!
—Professor Sanchez being himself.
I don't want to fight, I just want to argue!
—Fr. Stempsey, Philosophy of Medicine, talking about what a disease is.
Looseness is a female problem, not a male problem.
—Dean Swigert - Criminology
If there is one number to love, it's 'e'. We get along so well...we like the same things...we talk.....
—Prof. Soares talking about the 'number' e.
You think the CIA is all powerful? The CIA fucked up!
—Prof Yuhl, American History, explaining the inadequacies of US intelligence.
You know we all can't be ignoramuses like some of my colleagues at this school.
—Professor Schaefer on describing the praise by some professors on the 9/11 attacks...
What kind of jerk would assign a paper due the day after the superbowl?
—Prof O'donnell, changing the due date on a history paper
Yeah...beer and surfing don't mix...as I learned in high school.
—Prof. Trussel, Marine Biology - explaining how you'd want to dive into a big wave when surfing so you dont end up face down on the shore.
That Matthew Broderick... he's a cute young chap!
—Professor West, African American History 2, sharing his opinion on a popular actor.
And this was before Viagra...now that would have just changed everything for Hardy
—Professor Oser, Modern British Poetry - referring to the aging process in a Thomas Hardy poem